Cannibal Glow
by Aaydona
Summary: What if Jasper develops a taste for blood again after the Cullens leave Forks and puts his relationship with Alice in jeopardy? A story about Jasper's descension into darkness written from his point of view. Set during New Moon.
1. Prologue

**Title: **Cannibal Glow  
**Author: **Aaydona  
**Rating:** T (to be on the safe side for future chapters.)  
**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please don't sue. I'm just a lowly writer scribbling into a blue notebook.

**Prologue**

The scent of blood was intoxicating, sweeter than the petals of a fragrant rose yet fresh as an ocean breeze. The blood sang to my predatory instincts, a serenade that brought my blood thirst to life. I repressed a painful wince and squeezed my eyes shut for a heightened self-control. The aroma of blood grew closer and more alluring as she, uncertain hands in Edward's, set foot on the premises of the house.

_Good_, _Edward is with her_, I thought. Gnawing desire surged back and forth like quicksilver on the insides of my eyelids in a vicious dance, teasing me, taunting me. She was close now, I could tell from her footsteps, loud and clumsy against Edward's silent ones. I could envision her in my mind, the unsuspecting chocolate-brown eyes, long graceful neck… How I wanted to sink my teeth into her neck…

I reprimanded myself promptly. My lust for blood had almost made it sound as though I had found myself in love with Edward's love when in truth I had no eyes for anyone except…

Alice touched my hand tentatively. Half a grasp and let go. Her beautiful, radiant eyes met mine, casually at first, and intensified with a degree of love that I knew I would be forever undeserving of. Her lips quirked at my obvious discomfort, and it was all I could do to stop, with every fiber of my being, from bending down to kiss those smiling lips. That took an even stronger will than what was required for me to tame my blood thirst in Bella's presence. Instead, I asked, "What are you thinking?"

"That you're acting like a schoolboy at a meeting with the principal, Jasper," she replied.

"Ha, ha," I said in a quiet murmur, feeling a lock of her fine, dark hair between two fingers. I tried for a witticism myself. "It is fortunate that you are not human." Grinning, I made a deliberate display of sharp, lethal teeth. Alice knew I was more than capable of committing horrifying, inhumane deeds with my teeth, but she did not flinch.

"I liked it better when you weren't funny." My rather inept attempt at humor was rewarded. She stood on tiptoes and, quickly, our lips touched.

"The two of you are disgusting," Rosalie commented in an undertone and received a quick peck on the cheek from Emmett.

I straightened my grin and glared unconvincingly back at Rosalie, though Alice merely beamed smugly. "You haven't seen yourself with Emmett, have you?" she said. And gagged.

Rosalie flipped her resplendent golden hair scornfully, nearly whipping her husband in the face. Standing behind her, Emmett acted as though he was breathing a sigh of relief and wiping sweat off his forehead. I knew Rosalie was not half as disdainful about most subjects as she pretended to be, and I could not blame her for it. Not with my own mask of blankness hiding all that I felt, the beastly snarls as I hunted, hot fury, sorrow.

"Here she comes!" Alice cried. I already sensed Bella's arrival; we all did. She tilted her exquisite face to gaze at me. She had looked forward Bella's birthday so, planning every aspect of the party with only occasional assistance from Carlisle and Esme, her lips curved into a dreamy smile and her eyes seeming faraway as she tolled. The scent of blood was entirely separate from the aroma from the bowls of roses with which Alice had covered the room.

The flickering flames from the candles she set happily all around the room were reflected in her dark eyes. They were illuminated by the warm sunlight our kind shied away from. Sunlight was what I could not retain and Alice, her eternal smile shining with tender warmth, was my sunlight.

With her, I almost believed I could resist my ultimate vice, the rich liquid evil that heightened my sense of pleasure and warmed my damned body as it coursed through my empty veins. Blood. Blood was a sublime substance drawing long-hidden savagery and desperation from my eyes.

"How extravagant do you think she will think of this—" I snapped my jaw shut immediately. Even a vague mention of _her_ was too much for me. Images of my jaw closing in on her neck. Her blood staining my lips crimson. I smoothed the images out of my wretched imagination. _Control_.

For a moment my mind was free from temptation, a blessing that was revoked as soon as it was bestowed upon a damned creature such as myself. The door swung open quickly, and in walked Bella, a shy smile tugging at her lips as Edward moved out of her way with an unearthly fluidity. He flashed us, the partners-in-crime, a quick sliver of a smile, too quick for his love.

"Happy birthday, Bella!" we cried. I felt myself utter those words, with a good amount of cheer that sent a couple surprised glances my way, and I could hardly believe it.

The perfume of blood and roses, mingling in the air, were waves crashing against sandy shores, meeting and parting, meeting and parting. The beauty of the roses was blurred by where the intoxication of my innate predatory instincts began, the river of reason, of separation running between two pleasures blurring into a roaring, desirable sea. The forces of the sea swayed me while gentler waves caressed my desire.

Alice was slipping away from my side, to Bella, and though her lips were smiling, an expression of worry flickered in her beautiful eyes. _Had she seen something in the future I knew not?_ Our gazes were locked together in an intense stare for every instant before her face was reluctantly turned from me. I felt the self-control rise within me. I thought perhaps my sunshine, Alice, just by her presence, would give me enough strength, for it was strength that I was deprived of.

For temptation had arrived.

**Author's Note:** And so ends the prologue to _Cannibal Glow_. Alrighty! Time for Aaydona to ramble on about her fanfiction! First of all, this is my first time writing Twilight fanfiction (and my first piece of fanfiction in about two years). Reading the brilliant _Twilight_ and _New Moon_, I've always wondered about Jasper. I mean, sure I love Edward and Bella and Emmett and Rosalie too, but the image of Jasper in the beginning of New Moon stuck with me for weeks. During that time I thought about writing about what happened during New Moon from Jasper's point of view. The idea gnawed at me so much that I basically dropped everything and started scribbling this after brainstorming with Daimios (her name is actually Sara, but I'm trying to plug her here, okay?)

The title _Cannibal Glow_ came from the My Chemical Romance song "The Sharpest Lives". _Cannibal Glow_ is going to be my baby. I can tell. **All** reviews and comments are appreciated and will be rewarded with cookies (virtual chocolate-chip ones, to be precise) and a review in return. Reviews might even make me want to write faster, wink, wink.


	2. To Cut

Chapter One  
_To Cut_

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please don't sue. I'm just a lowly writer scribbling into a blue notebook.

What followed Bella's entrance was a whirlwind of events triggered by a single cruel coincidence. It pushed my mind into dark horizons that I dared not speak of to anyone, not even my beloved Alice. My sanity was ripped into shreds that drifted downward into a black chasm of no return.

What happened after Bella's entrance was a blur in my mind. And I found that all my prized self-control melted into a pool of blood at a single, luscious scent. Try not to judge me too harshly, I beg of you.

It was a paper cut, pure and simple. She had accidentally sliced her finger with the edge of a damn piece of wrapping paper. A slit of searing red appeared on her finger gradually, like a slow river of blood. My fevered self could only sense, only smell, only _feel_ the blood-rose elixir.

An animalistic snarl rumbled deep within my chest as I leapt forward suddenly, only seeing red, literally. Just a drop of it. I wanted just a drop. I could not be denied one taste of Heaven.

Just a drop.

Somebody held me back, powerful arms holding me in place, pulling me far away from Bella. Emmett. _You stupid, stupid oaf, let me go! _I struggled to free myself from his binding arms, growling with a seething fury and clawing at her.

"Calm down, you idiot bastard," Emmett hissed into my ear, his voice tightened with the strain of resisting Bella's fragrant blood but still so low that it was only for my ears.

"Just a drop!" I pleaded.

Desire rose within me like a darkening flame, fiery tendrils twisting and coiling, breaking free from its confines.

"Goddamn! Quit sounding like a crackhead!" I didn't reply, for by then I was completely overtaken by the hungry beast within me, too primitive and too savage to form simple words on my snarling lips.

A startling shatter as Bella was flung away from my reach. My dead lungs panting for air that I didn't need. A snatch of the expression haunting Alice's beautiful face. Pure terror on Bella's face. The begging on Edward's face as I counted in my head. _One_, _two_. _How long is it until I commit the dastardly deed?_ Hearing the _swish_, _swish_ of fabrics from some faraway place, away from here, away from my bloodlust. _Three_, _four_. _Oh God_. _What am I becoming_? I could not break free from Emmett but I did not stop trying, the blood's siren song too irresistible for my measly will. The horrible, revolting rumbling sounds pressing so close to my senses. _Oh, oh God. Is that me?_

_It's over_, I told myself over and over, consoling. _It's over_. _You didn't touch Bella's blood, not a drop_. It was a reassuring thought, for I knew—I know, really, because the fact remains the same even now—if I had touched even a lone drop of her blood, there would be no way of stopping myself from draining another, and more, until she was a white corpse sprawled on the floor of the living room, staring at me accusingly through dead eyes.

It had been a close encounter, too close, though I had left no lasting injury except some traces of fear and broken objects. Feelings of relief mingled with regret in dark, dizzying swirls. Damn regret.

_Some blood would make all this feel better_, said a whining, nasal voice within myself. It was most likely some particle of my subconscious trying to persuade me to drink blood, thus breaking the vow I made to Alice in what seemed more than a lifetime ago. _You'll have to do better than this shitty voice if you want me to touch blood, Jasper_, I told myself. _Really, what _is_ my subconscious trying to do,_ annoy _myself into drinking blood?_

I lay on my back, facing the bare ceiling with a conscience tainted by guilt and regret, chuckling like a mad "man" as the sound of the door swinging open reached my ears. "Having imaginary conversations with yourself again, Jasper?"

"Oh quit probing my brain, Edward, or I'll imagine Emmett naked," I replied playfully. Don't ask me how I know how Emmett looks naked. It involved a forgotten toothbrush, a bathroom door unlocked, and two screaming voices. He is incredibly _quiet_ in the showers.

"Very well," Edward agreed, solemnly. I could not glimpse his expression until he took several near-silent steps from the doorway into the room, hovering over me curiously. A baffled expression had unfolded over his pallid countenance and his darkened eyes were narrowed into questioning slits but he did not begin accusing me, demanding answers from me as I had anticipated. He knew what I was about to ask before I opened my mouth.

"So why did Emmett chain me to a TV again?"

Thick links of metal formed a lifeless, silvery python pressing my middle and forearms against blank glass, coiled around and around my body and the TV.

"He knew you wouldn't try to get out of the chains at risk of breaking the TV."_ Emmett, you naïve fool._

"Hush, Edward. She might have heard you." I patted the TV gently, turning away from Edward. "Shhh, it's all right, baby."

"Alice is going to be jealous," he stated dryly. I watched grimly as a faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips then straightened itself once he caught a sliver of what was to come from my mind.

"I might have done it. What I was doing may not have registered to me, if my sanity was too long gone, if my blood thirst had gotten the better of me completely—" _I would have killed Bella_.

He did not allow me to finish, hearing the terrible possibility expressed in my mind before my lips shaped the thin syllables. It was almost a mercy to me that I did not have to speak aloud my fear. "It didn't happen though. Bella wouldn't even have _been_ in a situation like this if it wasn't for me."

His self-blame and pain sliced through my conscience like a dull razor dragging horizontally across a pair of wrists. "I apologize, Edward. I thought I was in control when I obviously was not. Don't blame yourself," I consoled calmly. "The blame is all mine and I don't like to share." I wore a smirk on my face, but my eyes were lowered down so I couldn't view the agony torturing his face, for I knew I was the one who instilled it in the first place. I felt my arms shift uneasily within the chains that bound them and wondered, ruefully, whether anything could ever contain the monster, the abomination that I truly was. I wanted to know if she was all right, and if he was all right, I wanted to know if there was ever going to be anything I could do to right things again, but I could not bring myself to ask in face of his faint smile. It wasn't really a smile, a mere ghost of a smile, just a remorseful twisting of the lip, an attempt at an expression of joy to remedy the ache in my chest.

"Don't be greedy, Jasper. Share the blame," he said.

Widening my eyes at him in mock horror, I laughed. "Absolutely not, Mr. Cullen. My sincerest regrets."

I heard a soft chuckle amidst the awkward silence between two troubled vampires, as small and inconsequential as a single drop of rain falling in a storm. But it was enough for me. Closing my eyes and resisting the urge to snap the chains, and thus possibly scratching or breaking my beautiful, beautiful TV, to stretch my arms overhead, I asked, "So what now? Are we secure enough in our masculinity to share an empowering man-hug, my brother?"

Sighing, almost wistfully, Edward strode backwards towards the door and a muted click whispered that he had exited the room. My eyelids lifted just a fraction to examine the empty room where he left me, stricken, then once again descended to give me darkness. _Hey Edward_, I thought in what I assumed was a rather loud mind voice. _Are you going to unchain me?_

Several rooms over this one, I heard one particular wicked, taunting laugh amidst a backdrop of gentle chuckles. _Edward_?

A waking dream draped itself before my eyes like a blanket of starlight and darkness after dancing into my thoughts. The scent of fragrant blood, pouring from the victim's lifeless body, set my senses aflame. The blood pooled around the corpse was an evil, twisted fountain of youth to the monster in me that drove me mad with yearning, reflecting mercilessly a snarling, clawing, leering with the narrowed, wild eyes of a cruel predator. The surface of the once-serene puddle of blood rippled and the visage within it warped and twisted as I bent down to drain the sweet elixir. I could no longer see the reflection, the reflection of myself, only blood. I heard a thousand screams in my ears, the horrifying concerto to my cruel pleasure. They sang and screamed and to me, the roaring beast of a distorted face stained with blood, there was a kind of music to it as my raptures heightened with every drop of sinful blood touching my lips, fulfilling my desires.

_Oh blood. Yes._ I wanted it. For a moment I was far too willing to lose myself in the transformation into a fearsome monster without a shard of humanity just for blood. I inhaled a lungful of dead air hungrily. There was no saccharine fragrance, a sweet smell belonging only to blood, laced, covertly, with the tasteless oxygen and relief flooded my entire being.

Emmett's bold features retained a pleased expression, spilled evenly over his white face like a shaft of forbidden sunlight when he entered my prison. I thought I understood his expression after a moment and I tilted my head back slightly in a casual greeting, my movement restrained due to being chained to a television.

"And you say I'm not clever." He scoffed.

"If by 'not clever', you mean stupid, then yes, I said that," I replied, smirking, then winced as a stung look flitted across his countenance as quickly as a flutter of butterfly wings. Then I wished I could remedy my words though it was too late. "But I believe I am the dumbest one out of all of us."

His generous laugh reaching my ears, he asked, "Not disagreeing with you, but how come?"

There was a sigh, sounding vaguely like impatience but too melancholic, in my voice when I said, "You are stupid because you believed some thick chains and a TV—a beautiful TV—would be able to stop me from—"

His wide eyes were too bright and shining in their defiance and indignation as he interrupted, "That's _not_ what I asked." He did not want to talk about the possibility either, making the words I was about to speak crumble into dust, into meaningless nothing.

"—and I am stupid because well. Because I deemed myself contained enough to be in face of a special human when I wasn't, obviously," I finished, my voice unconsciously bitter and lowered. "Yes, I admit it. I am stupid. Call me the overlord of myriads of stupidity, Professor Stupid of Stupid University in Stupidsville in Stupidland, and if there was a Nobel Prize for stupidity, I'd certainly win it."

"Whoa… Calm down, Jasper."

"I _am_ calm." I was protesting, but my teeth were gritted and I felt the tension between the links to the bold hoary chain increasing as my bound, tightening arms parted to push outward.

"Calm like hell," said Emmett, peering at him with a knowing twinge in his eyes. He sat cross-legged in the space next to the glorious TV and me, his hands placed lightly on his knees and eyes half-open to sneak glances at me. "Ohhmmm… Ohhhhhhhmmmmmmm, young grasshopper—"

"Pardon me, but _what the hell are you doing_, Mr. Cullen?" I asked suspiciously. I could not resist smirking when he touched his forefinger with his thumb and chanted in a drowsy, slurring murmur.

"Find your inner zen, young grasshopper," he continued calmly. He paused for a moment and gestured for me to follow his lead, with flourish. He appeared to be unperturbed when I tugged at the chains that limited my movement, middle finger in the air. "A wise man calms himself through meditation, Jasper."

"Yes, a wise 'man'," I drawled, curling my lips in an amused smile and baring sharp teeth at him. He returned the same sharp-toothed smile, one eye closed and the remaining gazing at me expectantly. "Get a better hobby, Emmett."

Emmett pretended to sigh exasperatedly at me, and his opened eyes were twin golden orbs set alight. Saying, "A wise man never rejects sound advice, " he rose from the icy floor solemnly.

It was after he left that I realized I was still bound to the TV.

Out of the corner of my eye I gazed through the deceptive frosted glass of a lonely window, beyond my confines. Night had risen from beneath the veil of daylight and engulfed the lush landscape with its impenetrable darkness. It swallowed the vicious night hunters within forgiving shadows, leaving no traces. No traces at all.

**Author's Note: Lots** of cookies and love for the reviewers who reviewed the prologue. This was kind of a slow chapter, wasn't it? Don't worry, things'll speed up as soon as I have Jasper's relationship with the Cullens "down" (well, as "down" as I can get them from analyzing the books without stealing—gasp—Stephenie Meyer's brain). I hope I portrayed each of the characters okay and didn't make Jasper too livelyor anything.

Anyways. Onto the shameless imploring. Do you like _Cannibal Glow_ so far? Are my character portrayals okay? Am I stupid? Do you think Jasper should develop an infatuation with purple polka-dotted monkeys? _All_ feedback muchly appreciated.


	3. Ice Around My Heart

**Title: **Cannibal Glow  
**Author: **Aaydona**  
Rating:** T (to be on the safe side for future chapters.)  
**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please don't sue. I'm just a lowly writer scribbling into a blue notebook.

Chapter Two  
_Ice Around My Heart_

The clock struck midnight then went on us before, its ticks haunting and perpetual as a heartbeat, though I had one not. I should be hunting within a maze of lush leaves and crackling branches right now. Instead, I was staring absently at walls as dead as blank expressions. Excruciating hunger surged through my veins again, first in cautious pinpricks, then one massive ache bound my entire inhuman body. It felt like yearning, like total desolation, like heartbreak, and the monster within me could not be reined in.

Eventually, Carlisle took pity on me and walked into the room. He was ageless, of course, though just a sliver of accumulated wisdom brushed at his white features always, the way the luminance of a silver moon breaks through the window. Wise eyes dulled when they reached my hungry ones, as if hiding behind a gaze in retreat. I nearly smiled as he sighed, obviously recognizing my being chained to a TV as Emmett's handiwork. His fingers worked quickly and deftly to unlock and unwrap the hoary chains from my body and the TV, patience exuding from his calm, even breathing.

Carlisle was a father figure to Emmett, Edward, Alice, and perhaps even Rosalie, and I would do well to submit, too, for my father had died long ago. "It's not your fault, Jasper," said Carlisle, with too much gentle kindness in his voice for me to bear. _Then whose fault is it that I nearly took a bite out of Bella?_

Shadows were pouring into the dim room from nighttime outside, a reminiscence of a pair of dark, empty eyes I once knew. _Why am I remembering this now?_ I thought, wanting to tear myself from this room, this room with imagery that stirred nightmares I tried to forget. I could almost see a face before my dry eyes and I forced them shut to hide from my own memories.

It was my father. I remembered my father, with his sneering, accusing lips, eyes that sliced through mortal souls—a warped reflection of myself. I scrambled back in fear, smelling the thick alcohol mingling with his scent. I was a small child again, with thin limbs that were too fragile and a desperate fear of his father. A stream of tears made their way into my cracked, bitten lips. A bitter metallic taste was on my tongue, like blood, like death only without the sweet release of dying. Out of the corner of the eye I saw my mother, broken on the ground. Her golden hair, once so vibrant, its beauty did not stand the years of torment and abuse and fell in a pool around her.

My mother was a corpse dead and buried before she ran out of breath. My father held a whip in his hand. My father was laughing, the wild gleam of alcohol filling up his gaze. My father shouted my name in a demonic roar. "Jasper, Jasper, Jasper!" He was beckoning me to fight. _Get off the ground, boy! I want to see how many girly tears you can cry when I beat you to hell, boy!_

My response was more sobbing, self-hatred because I could not stand up for myself in even the slightest way in front of this monster. _Mother_, I wanted to cry, to that golden-haired corpse, that ruined doll that was my father's. _Help me!_ I wanted to plead, but she was still and helpless, staring at us through glassy eyes. I thought I saw a faint movement in her fingers, as she clutched her heart in pain. "I-I-I-I'm sorry," I sobbed. Sorry for what? Sorry that I have a heartless bastard for a father and a mother good as dead? I did not say anything else, watching in horror as the red-hot pain of the whip crashed into my back. _Oh God_. I tried to scramble back, run away from the man, though a man he was not, and felt fingers clutch at my collar. He pulled me back into the ground. And the whip came to my back again and again in hard, painful kisses. "Y-you bastard," I rasped, weak fingers digging into the gritty earth.

That served to fuel the fire that caused the lashings and they grew more vicious against my wounded back. In my feverish state, I knew I needed only to use my powers of persuasion to plea, so that perhaps he would stop, but I would never beg to my demon father. _Just an evil, insignificant human_, he is, I told myself.

My fath—_the_ _man_ eventually ran out of alcohol in his bottle to keep his fury aflame and left me on the ground to buy some more. The rain poured hard that night, like more lashings when the raindrops struck my wounds, and the water was so cold it froze into ice around my heart.

And it felt like it would never melt.

"Jasper?" Carlisle said with concern, shaking me out of my prison of memories.

I shrank back, free from binding chains but trapped nonetheless. _Why now?_ I asked silently. But whom was I pleading to? I had never believed in a singular God. I still do not believe that a powerful being would try and save me, a damned creature. There was no one to help me, to heal me—I dared not taint anyone with my doom.

Before my eyes I saw all self-control, all hope slipping through my outstretched fingers. "I—I need to—" I stammered, voice disobedient.

Carlisle scrutinized, acknowledging the violent quavering shooting through my body in silence. Suddenly, I was overtaken by a cold anger at him. I wanted to rip him and everyone else in this damned apart until he could look at me no more.

I managed to rasp, "Must—feed", before running out of the room.

**Author's Note: **In case anyone is interested in knowing, I listened to "Animal I have Become" and "Pain" by Three Days Grace on repeat while writing this chapter. I love both songs to death and highly recommend them. Many apologies for taking so long with this chapter, but I hope this lives up to expectations.

Haha, that was kind of a short, dark one, wasn't it? Reviews, feedback, just thoughts or comments in general Love.


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